Who Says Big Girls Don't Cry??? :'(

Right now I am again house-sitting/pet-watching for the Harvey's. This time my younger brother, Robb, is with me and we are having a pretty good time. The animals are, well, interesting as usual and I always seem to come away with some entertaining if not odd story! But that is a post for another time, which I promise will be coming! For now, I have something else on my mind!

Today, I had to go to the doctor's office! Don't worry, nothing serious, just a physical for college. Not everyone knows this, so for those of you who don't, going to the dr.'s is a very big deal for me! Not in a good way. The doctor's office and the hospital cause me overwhelming amounts of stress. Stress that can be mostly attributed to my paralyzing, panic-inducing fear of needles! Now don't get me wrong, it's not the pain. I am not afraid it's going to hurt, because I've had shots and I know that it doesn't hurt. It's this psychological fear that I cannot get over! I know it's unnecessary, immature, and even ridiculous, but I cannot get over it. I harbor real fear for very few things, and those other things I am able to challenge myself and confront them, temporarily overcoming those fears that I view as silly. But this fear, I cannot get over it. I cannot move past, I cannot even function! But for this physical I had today, I was opting out of vaccinations-I don't like the idea of infecting myself to try and teach my body how to fight a disease. Sorry, but that doesn't sound smart to me. But to each his own! I don't care whether you are a firm believer in them, opinion-less, or like me. That's just my personal belief. But because of that belief, I knew I had nothing to worry about at the doctors. I didn't have to get a shot and even though I would be uncomfortable, I would be fine! I was doing so good. I was relaxed and even making small talk with the doctor!

But then the nurse came in and said started asking me questions. She asked if I had been out of the country in the last 5 years. The answer was yes, I went to Mexico on a missions trip last year. Then she said that's fine, I would just need a TB test. Fine by me!....I had no idea how they tested for TB. So my mom, there for moral support, waited in the room while I was escorted into another patient room to have my hearing tested. After which, she opened a fridge and pulled out some supplies, then grabbed a syringe. I asked what that was for and she said the TB test. "Wait," I said, "that has a needle?" And she said yes, but all they had to do was place it in the surface of the skin and put in a little solution. Wow, my heart started racing, my hands were trembling and my knees shaking! My head was spinning and my thoughts going 100 mph! What am I going to do? I, I have to get out of here NOW! So I began, "Actually, you see, I need to..." Then I paused, looked around, found the door and ran out of the room. I ran into the hallway and tried to find the room my mom was in, but since I am very directionally challenged, I had no idea where I had come from, got lost, and had to be led back by a nice male nurse who talked to himself. Once I got in the room I was very panicked and my mom, who had heard me in the hallway, was looking concerned, but I could tell she wasn't too surprised and was ready to talk me out of running away. "We have to go right now! Hurry and get the stuff, we're leaving!" I said. The nurse came in and explained the situation, saying that it was the school's rule, not theirs, and if I did not get the TB test..... I could not go to college. Both Mom and Nurse looked at me, expecting that to settle the matter. Instead, my panicked self said "Oh, that's too bad. I just can't go to that school! I'll just find a different college to go to!". But, Mom is used to dealing with my drama, and she knows how terrified I am and how this fear takes me over like nothing else. So she tried to talk me out of it and got me to sit down because I was quickly growing very pale. The nurse then tried to talk me into laying down so I wouldn't pass out and I'd be more relaxed. I don't know why I did it, is was as if I was in a haze and I couldn't help but do as they said. I was terrified out of my mind and I wanted to run, but deep down I knew that was stupid and I knew I had to be try and act like a big girl and let the nurse do her job. So, I did as they said and laid down and let the nurse swab some alcohol on my arm. Pretty ridiculous, but I couldn't help crying. My mom held my hand and I cried like a really big baby, but I was so scared! I felt the needle, it hardly pierced me! It didn't hurt, but I knew going into it that it wouldn't. That wasn't the issue.

After it was done Mom, Nurse, and Nurse #2, who had come in just in case they needed help holding me down or catching me should I faint, all told me I was very brave, but I just laid there and cried like a little kid for a while. haha, then it got worse! Nurse #2 came in with another box of needles. This time I needed checking for anaemia. This one was on the finger tip and it actually hurt. But this time I didn't fight it. I sat up and let her do it. Then they made me lie down and relax a bit. I talked to the doctor about some other health concerns, got a paper that I think of as a permission slip to go and get an x-ray on my neck next week, then we started to leave. Pretty traumatic. But, I think this is the best I've ever done at the doctors! I made it out of the building without passing out! Although it was very close for a second. So this may seem like a really bad appointment to you, (it was pretty awful for me, too!) but considering my track record, this was very impressive! Maybe next time I'll be even better! Wait, next time? Ugh, there will have to be a next time, won't there? My mom has demanded that I do not allow my fear of needles to keep me from giving her grandchildren! haha! She is so sympathetic! :) Just kidding, my mom is great! If she hadn't been there, I would've run out of the office like a crazy person and then my parents would've had to drag me back a second time! That's why I needed to bring her with me! So yes, I am amost 19 years old and I still have to have my mommy go to the doctor's with me, hold my hand, and dry my tears! But you know what the worst part is? I didn't even get a sticker for being so brave!