People boggle my mind. My thoughts are jumbled and confused. My reality got stuffed into a blender and then poured back into my brain, making a big, confusing mess!
The problem with being a girl, is that I think with my emotions. It's true. Girls, you know exactly what I'm talking about! I know, you guys are probably thinking, "No way! I have never met an emotional female! All the girls I know are calm, realistic, and never run on emotions or have a single mood-swing!". But, no, it's true. I know we females hide it so very well, but I must admit, that we are emotional! And in this case, I am not talking about crying, or being sad. I am talking about having flip-flopping feelings. Which of course, my feelings on a situation are different today than yesterday, the problem lies in decision making. When I, as a female, act impulsively. Which I do not want to stereo-type this, but it's true, women just act impulsively based on present emotion, and most men I know do not! So although I usually resent stereo-types, in this case it is true. A situation was brought to the fore-front
of my attention yesterday, and when I realized it, I was so angry!!! But today, my feelings have calmed down a lot. I am frustrated, but my feelings are turning into independence and a look at the possibility of cutting off the source of my emotional stress. I am just so thankful that this time, I have NOT acted on any of the emotions that have been buzzing through my confused brain! Which in the past, with this same person that is currently causing me grief, I have acted impulsively twice. One time it was okay, and the other time......not so okay, actually. But that's a different story that will not be shared on this blog! But, my issue: oh, so difficult. I have a friend that is hardly being a friend at all. And I am confused! We saw each other last Monday, and it's been over a week, and still no word! I was told by this person that we would be emailing as we had before we saw each other, but no contact has been made, and because of complicated reasons, I cannot email this person, but must first be emailed, then may respond! Ugh! Why am I even putting this on here? Well, I'm not sure. But I am venting, so just nod your head and smile, if you are confused! How could you not be? I am confused! All my other school friends have called, texted, emailed, talked online, anything! This person is one of my very best friends, but lately has not been acting like a friend at all. Makes me wonder how close we actually were. If out of sight means out of mind, how close could we actually be? Even before we saw each other last Monday, the emails were few and far between, and it'd been 5 weeks since we'd seen each other. So is it distraction? Or does this person not care as much when I am not around? Or, is there something/someone keeping this person's attention occupied? Some of you may think I am over-reacting, that I am reading into things. But were I not choosing to remain aloof about this, you would understand, furthermore, you would agree and be cheering me on should I decide to send hate-mail or egg this person's house! Which as of right now I am not planning on doing, but you never know! This person has aggravated me by, how do I put this, irresponsible?, selfish?, immature?, hm, maybe just stupid behavior, and I get upset of course, but then there are apologies, and I can't help but forgive, because as I said above, this person is one of my very closest friends, and I deeply care for this one! I just can't stay mad! I would much rather pretend nothing is wrong than start a fight, but sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Wow, if this makes no sense, I am sorry, it's just because I am thinking out loud, rather thinking onto my blog! Writing helps me sort through things. But I don't think I am any less confused. The issue is still in existence, and I still have no idea how I really feel about it, what I am going to do, or what the long-term results of this decision may be. Oh, it's so complicated!!
Man, I wish there were a Relationships-for-Dummies 101!!!
The problem with being a girl, is that I think with my emotions. It's true. Girls, you know exactly what I'm talking about! I know, you guys are probably thinking, "No way! I have never met an emotional female! All the girls I know are calm, realistic, and never run on emotions or have a single mood-swing!". But, no, it's true. I know we females hide it so very well, but I must admit, that we are emotional! And in this case, I am not talking about crying, or being sad. I am talking about having flip-flopping feelings. Which of course, my feelings on a situation are different today than yesterday, the problem lies in decision making. When I, as a female, act impulsively. Which I do not want to stereo-type this, but it's true, women just act impulsively based on present emotion, and most men I know do not! So although I usually resent stereo-types, in this case it is true. A situation was brought to the fore-front
of my attention yesterday, and when I realized it, I was so angry!!! But today, my feelings have calmed down a lot. I am frustrated, but my feelings are turning into independence and a look at the possibility of cutting off the source of my emotional stress. I am just so thankful that this time, I have NOT acted on any of the emotions that have been buzzing through my confused brain! Which in the past, with this same person that is currently causing me grief, I have acted impulsively twice. One time it was okay, and the other time......not so okay, actually. But that's a different story that will not be shared on this blog! But, my issue: oh, so difficult. I have a friend that is hardly being a friend at all. And I am confused! We saw each other last Monday, and it's been over a week, and still no word! I was told by this person that we would be emailing as we had before we saw each other, but no contact has been made, and because of complicated reasons, I cannot email this person, but must first be emailed, then may respond! Ugh! Why am I even putting this on here? Well, I'm not sure. But I am venting, so just nod your head and smile, if you are confused! How could you not be? I am confused! All my other school friends have called, texted, emailed, talked online, anything! This person is one of my very best friends, but lately has not been acting like a friend at all. Makes me wonder how close we actually were. If out of sight means out of mind, how close could we actually be? Even before we saw each other last Monday, the emails were few and far between, and it'd been 5 weeks since we'd seen each other. So is it distraction? Or does this person not care as much when I am not around? Or, is there something/someone keeping this person's attention occupied? Some of you may think I am over-reacting, that I am reading into things. But were I not choosing to remain aloof about this, you would understand, furthermore, you would agree and be cheering me on should I decide to send hate-mail or egg this person's house! Which as of right now I am not planning on doing, but you never know! This person has aggravated me by, how do I put this, irresponsible?, selfish?, immature?, hm, maybe just stupid behavior, and I get upset of course, but then there are apologies, and I can't help but forgive, because as I said above, this person is one of my very closest friends, and I deeply care for this one! I just can't stay mad! I would much rather pretend nothing is wrong than start a fight, but sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Wow, if this makes no sense, I am sorry, it's just because I am thinking out loud, rather thinking onto my blog! Writing helps me sort through things. But I don't think I am any less confused. The issue is still in existence, and I still have no idea how I really feel about it, what I am going to do, or what the long-term results of this decision may be. Oh, it's so complicated!!Man, I wish there were a Relationships-for-Dummies 101!!!
Well I totally know what you are talking about! I have a friend that was very close to me growing up! She was at college 2 hours from where I lived and I have hardly heard from her! I feel as if I have made all the effort and she is not responding! I have learned that sometimes you just have to let go of your best friends! They get busy and since you aren't there right in front of them you are not as important as the work at hand! my friend was only 2 hours away and only came to visit me twice in the last 4 years! We were BFF's growing up! It hurts but it is a choice that they make! It takes 2 too have a relationship and you both have to work at it! Don't give up but don't waste your days wishing that things will change! Just continue to follow the Lord and allow Him to work through the situation! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Renae. That helps!!!
ReplyDeleteWow, I totally understand the confusion! And then of course there are always all those outside circumstances that just complicate things! From what you've said before...it sounds slightly similar to something I have experienced (although hopefully without the components that I had to deal with! Wouldn't wish that on anyone!)... Don't forget that you deserve the best! :) I will be praying for you!!
ReplyDeleteThanks, you girls are sweet!!!
ReplyDelete